Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Annoyance with our partner.

Isn't it interesting that people hurt and get hurt by the person closest to them - the one person they would most not want to hurt. The problem starts with duality - the fact of the opposites that cause everything to exist. Anything only exists because it stands out against something else - contrast. Good/bad, up/down, right/wrong etc. You get the idea. It's the mind that splits our world into opposites. Now that's not a bad thing but the next step is where it seemingly goes wrong. The same mind that creates the split then chooses one half and rejects the other. Good/bad - I'm good you're bad. I'm healthy you're unhealthy. I'm cautious with money you're. a spendthrift. Of course these are only relative terms. The opposites can be equally true and is probably true for your partner. I'm bad (isn't that a cool attitude these days?). I live a full-on life while you're too scared to try anything new. I enjoy my money (after all you only live once) you're too tight to spend yours. Now it starts to get interesting. By choosing half and rejecting the other half we're left with a feeling that something is missing - not quite right. The terms conscious and unconscious minds where conscious represents what we accept about ourselves and the unconscious where we hide all the things about ourselves that don't fit into our preferred (if false) view of ourselves. So here we are with the feeling something is missing. So we go out in search of the lost part. Some try speed, some money, some drugs and perhaps the most common - relationships. Most meetings just don't feel right but have you noticed that when you meet that 'special' person and you fall in love that there's a feeling of completeness - of wholeness? Well it's simply because that 'special' person has also fallen victim to their mind splitting their world into opposites, and they have chosen the other halves to you. So in fact you have met your other half - literally. The feelings of completeness is from the two opposites that have come together. Together you do feel complete. It feels right. The relationship is intuitively felt to be right and complete. Now comes the big BUT. The problems start a short while after you let your guard down, when the relationship becomes a primary one, because the opposites come into play and the judgements you made about yourself are the things that your partner represents and what drew you to them in the first place. It's only a matter of time before you become irritated by the features in them because they are the very things rejected in yourself. To simplify it lets take good/bad. I consider myself 'good' and reject the idea of 'bad' in me. It's the way this particular personality is set up. My partner finds it exciting to be 'bad' and find 'good' to be too boring. So we both felt incomplete in ourselves but felt complete when together but then I become irritated by her 'bad' because I've prejudged and rejected 'bad' and she gets irritated and bored by my 'good' because she prejudged that. The solution, of course, is to look at what we have each prejudged in ourselves and see that there's no real reason to reject it in the first place and then reclaim it. In that way we start to feel complete in ourselves. Then we're not two lonely and miserable people trying to get the other to make us happy.
Devgrah.

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