Past seeking

2011-12-30T21:43:00.000-08:00

The need to know the truth and persistent close, self observation will reveal your true nature. Once seen, a complete transformation takes place. For the first time you know who you are and know that previously, like most of the population of the world, you only had beliefs of who you are, false beliefs, misidentifications. Relaxation, peace and the understanding that life is what it is take over, what happens is what happens and that life plays out the way that it plays out.

Questions from seekers reveal the continued misidentification. When a seeker is informs that what he is is awareness itself they will invariably ask what do you have to aware of? This immediately informs that the seeker is continuing to identify as some-one, some-one who is or can be aware and who has choice instead of the fact that he is the awareness itself and that who he previously identified as is in fact only an appearance in that awareness.

If there is importance it is that the seeker continues to suffer. So continue to look closely and question your 'truths' as all untruths will be revealed as such under close scrutiny. If you need guidance then write to the author. You can contact me via my website if you wish.

2011-12-12T20:33:00.000-08:00

If a non-seeker is asked about their thoughts, they would probably say that they are in a logical sequence from one thought to the next and I would have assumed that too. But experience (during my seeking years) showed me that thoughts are extremely random and some-times the most tenuous association will trigger the next thought, and some-times something in the vicinity will interfere and cause that to be the next one; some-times there's no apparent connection. This appears to be a strange way for a mind to work but evolution has a way to save the best or at least the one that works. However I've come to see that, in fact, this is a very cleaver process that a series of thoughts now, with the slightest connection to some-thing I need to do today, but that I'd forgotten, will remind me. This process of watching the mind is called thought awareness and will overcome the beliefs we normally believe in and show us just what a belief is.

thoughts.

2011-11-29T04:56:00.000-08:00

A thought enters the mind and we act on it or another thought says don't act on it. Until a thought enters we can't act as there is nothing to act on. Consiousness without a thought is like a computer without software. The computer itself is effectively useless, it is a potential; it can't function until software is put in to tell it what to do and how to do it. Thoughts are like that; so don't make the mistake of thinking that once self realisation has happened no thoughts will occur or that you'll be free from thoughts all the time. There will be periods of time when you are thoughtless - indeed it happens to you now although you may not have noticed it. But until a thought occurs - like 'I'll mow the lawn', or you happen to walk outside and see that the lawn needs mowing which triggers a thought saying 'I'd better mow the lawn' we can't we can't mow it.

In the moments when there are no thoughts it is very peaceful and in those times after realisation following the time of great desire to be free we can experience times of absolutely stillness, consiousness without any movement, not even a ripple; nothing, just pure awareness and that is beautiful - and don't forget that the desire to be free is, after all, just another desire. But after a while we get seduced by the world again and why not? It's a beautiful place. It doesn't really matter whether we're thoughtless or not we just carry on with life understanding fully what we actually are, who we actually are and who we are not; it is the realisation that ends the suffering.

Frustration

2011-11-28T03:49:00.000-08:00

Do I feel frustration, or am I frustration (in that moment)? Any thing can cause it - this time it was receiving an over due bill from Telstra (telephone company) when I'd not even received the bill in the first place. Trying to find 'your account' and logging on was impossible. It just seemed to send me round in circles. My wife, on the other hand, is able to see my mistake - yes mistakes still happen. The more frustration I feel the more I insist on blaming 'them' and becoming blind to the possibility that I might have gone wrong some-where. I think it feels better just to write about it....The mind just keeps tripping along.

The body it still subject to the world and it's effects.

2011-11-23T18:02:00.000-08:00

The body it still subject to the world and it's effects. Simply understanding who I am and the transformation that goes with it doesn't make the body impervious to age and infirmity. Just the other day while re-building our bathroom and after jackhammering some concrete out of the floor I stood up and this simple act caused my lower back muscles to spasm, v-e-r-y painful, as those of you who have had the same problem will know. So I had to go to a doctor, pay and take the prescribed medications to help the healing process. So now I have to let nature take it's coarse for a few days. It's clear that it's the body and not me that this has happened to though.

2011-11-23T00:50:00.000-08:00

I've just been visited by Jim of http://www.jimdreaver.com/ ; he was visiting his brother locally and was told of me buy a mutual lady who attended one of his sessions and had previously emailed me and listened to a talk I gave in Fremantle, Western Australia. As we sat under the large oak tree on this warm, sunny Spring day in the back garden and talked I was reminded of the similarities and differences of our awakening(s). Again it showed how the experience and circumstances of enlightenment is so common to all and yet so personal and subsequently expressed so uniquely. Until today I had decided to not go on subscribing to my web site but Jim showed me that perhaps I should let it go on a bit longer so those out there who are still seeking freedom can have another angle, another perspective, another way of looking at the 'problem' - thank you Jim.

2011-09-19T20:18:00.000-07:00

A close obseravtion of our emotional live reveals there are subtle ups & downs; quite appart from the more gross emotions we experience through out our lives. The small, clear highs ofter lasting only seconds can be easily missed. I call them blips. Not the negative 'blip' seen on the computer screen starting a nuclear war type of blip but the subtle pleasant blips - a little bubble of wonderful emotion which may be triggered by a past memory or experience or some aspect of that experience. These make life sooo pleasant and memerable - even if in the end it is know there is no-one here to experience it all, but the pure experience is quite remarkable in itself.

2011-07-28T17:57:00.000-07:00

The dualistic mind tries to understand non-duality but this is not possible. And even if it gains a rudimentary understanding it won't satisfy. The dualistic mind is capable of understanding many things in life and if it focuses hard enough and long enough a breakthrough usualy happens. But, non-duality is a whole different paradigm; to understand non-duality it's of no use using a dualistic mind. The gate way through is to answere the question 'Who Am I'. Once you have seen clearly who you actualy are then non-duality is at your feet - indeed you are non-duality. The search for identity, the true identity is what's needed.

2011-07-24T22:45:00.001-07:00

The new age system has given us many gems, helped us along, hopefully past that system to a greater truth and on to Advaita and the final understanding. One of the side issues is that we're told that we're some how wrong and that we should be living in the moment. Interesting, because how can we live in anything but the present moment? When else can we live but right now? How can we live tomorrow or yesterday or yesteryear? The arrow of time is relentless and pointing in only one direction.

But even though we are told we're not living in the present we continue to 'do our thing', to go to work as if life were eternal, as if this life will be never ending even though many of us are not happy or even hate our jobs. Every day doing something we don't like is one less day we'll live - one more missed opportunity to live to the fullest to do what we do. When our time is up, our three score years and ten we cannot borrow more time like we borrow more money - to tide us through.

The fact is we do live in the moment, we are doing exactly the right thing. The trick is to stop worrying about it, to stop beating ourselves up, to stop punishing ourselves and thinking there is some thing wrong with us, that there is some thing else that we should be doing. No, we're doing exactly what we are supposed to be doing - even the worry is is what we're supposed to do when we're doing it. And we'll continue to do it until we stop.

Not only is this reality a dream, not only are 'we' part of that dream but the whole spiritual journey that we think we're on is part of that dream too. In the end this is nothing but God dreaming and dreaming that he is us - and is there any greater dream to have.

New blog

2011-07-07T05:23:00.000-07:00

I've copied all of the website (beyondseeking) over to the blog:-
http://roytownsend2010gmailcom.blogspot.com/
and will let the website run out.
Roy

Transfer

2011-07-02T05:20:00.000-07:00

I've moved the whole of my website 'Beyondseeking' to my new blog 'Beyondseeking, the blog.'

2011-06-05T05:44:00.000-07:00

We made a family birthday trip this weekend. Tania's uncle was 70 and about 100 family & friends got together from around the state to meet, celebrate and have a good time. It took us 5 hours to drive there, yesterday returning home today.

We live in a very quiet corner of the state in a small, peaceful town of about 600 people and both work in busy jobs in other, larger towns during the week.

We drove yesterday talking, listening to music and wondering what the week end had in store for us. This morning was a continuation but after the talking there was individual quiet contemplation, often on the same subject or person. Then it got interesting as this phase was followed by and the reason I'm typing this. As we travelled along gently winding roads through some very attractive farming countryside I observed the mind continue to quieten until there were no thoughts left at all - just stillness, mental silence. The intersting thing was that once the thoughts stopped the 'space' was filled with the most sublime feeling, a feeling of true reality instead of the unreal world created in mind. There were feelings from childhood, memories of experiences and a general state of beingness.

I'm sure this is common to all of us sometimes but gets lost when unrecognised. To watch the mind games and get familiar with it's antics from a witness point of view makes all the difference.

The journey was then even better because of the wind down phase that had preceded it.

I once worked through (most of) the book Learn to draw with the right side of the brain. This helped me change brain sides and to distinguise which 'brain' I was in (was dominant). The sensation was very different once pointed out with cleaver drawing processes. After that time I found I could at will change brain side and observe how the world looked and it was a surprisingly different experience swapping from side to side. Artist would know this well.

2011-06-02T18:35:00.000-07:00

On television this morning there was an article with a photograph of a piece of toast that was burnt with a very slight similarity to the face of Osama Bin laden, who was killed just a few weeks ago. This piece of toast was held up as some kind mystery, why the face.

Clearly, to me, this was just a piece of burnt toast with a face-like image in the burns.

The mind is always refering to memory to try to make sense of images we see in our every day life and the burns were in some way similar to pictures we have seen on tv over the past few years. This was one reference the memory had come up with.

There is no mystery, it's simply a piece of toast. But, to people still caught up in the illusion of self they are still heavily influenced by beliefs. Questions arise in the mind as to what this piece of toast could signify. Unfortunately these beliefs are taken to be truths and when it comes to religions these same poeple compare their beliefs and will even kill to maintain these beliefs and to try to prove that their beliefs are better than the next person's.

Since that day when I realised my true nature life has become incredibly simple. Things are seen for what they are. There are no hidden meanings. But until then there seems to be hidden meanings in lots of things - events of the day, chance meetings, conspracies. Did man really go to the moon, is the world flat? These are just silly questions from a mind that thinks it's in control and has been given too much control and is still functioning on beliefs.

The sudden realisation of the true self reveals events as they are. It shows life in it's start, clear truth.

Life is what it is. A piece of burnt toast is a piece of burnt toast. There is no need to have mystery any more.

2011-04-21T20:42:00.000-07:00

The truth is, who you think you are is but a belief.
That belief is made up of many smaller beliefs that gravitate together.
Together they come to be known as the 'I' or 'Me'.
When looked into minutely the smaller beliefs are seen through and for the illusions they are. And it is then known that you are not the 'me' but what you actually are is the awareness of them all.
Everything appears in awareness.

2011-02-15T21:53:00.000-08:00

Some times people ask me what it's like to be self realised; an understandable question for the seeker. The question pre supposes that something has happened to me. On the surface it seems logical to think that 'I' am having a different experience now.

What is important to understand is that there is no 'I'.

Self realisation is not reaching a point or achieving some goal but the simple realisation of the truth, of the fact that I am awareness that witnesses this experience and that the 'I' that I thought I was doesn't actually exist - and never did. There is actually no-one here experiencing this experience although, alternatively you could say that awareness or even god is experiencing this human experience, that experience, the cat or dog experience. As Ramana said 'all there is, is god'. There is no-one here having this experience; the experience is sufficient in & of itself.

So, am I having a different experience from what I used to have - no, but this experience is now free from anguish, free of confusion, wondering, seeking and feeling that something is wrong.

following the last blog

2011-02-10T05:00:00.000-08:00

My last blog shows both the unreality and the unreliability of both time and our experience. Through thick & thin our experience is usually regarded as solid and true but is actually not a reliable benchmark or guide to what the truth might be.

'I' (no-one or God) was experincing a human experience of two different time zones simultaineously.

2011-02-03T21:16:00.000-08:00

Recently I was on a flight from Brunei to Dubai, we were about to land and I'd just watched Leonardo De Caprio in the film Inception where he enters other's dream worlds with the associated time warp effects that dreams produce . The captain had informed us of the local time. This body was on Perth (Western Australia) time experiencing Dubai/Perth time. Since I was in Dubai then Perth time was unreal and yet my body was functioning on Perth time re; meals & sleep and so to my experience Dubai time was unreal. Everyone on the plane was having their own unique experience.

Everything experienced is both real & unreal simultaneously. I was experiencing the reality & unreality of two different time zones simultaneously.

Any teaching from church, monastery, religion is attractive to the mind. But they prevent us from knowing ourselves, knowing the truth by keeping the mind focused outside of ourselves. The mind becomes a donkey following the promise of a carrot but delivering nothing other than promises.

We have to be willing to stand alone and explore our own nature, our understanding and beliefs; to be an individual and not a sheep, following those that follow the followers.

If you want to know the truth you have to find the self, to answer the question - 'who am I'. Religion can be a distraction that keeps you looking over there instead of here. The true self has been covered over by the belief in the 'I' & "Me".

As soon as the truth is uncovered (dis-covered) then reality is revealed and peace follows.

If you question, examine, enquire into your life, what you will find is that what is at first assumed to be rock solid is actually not so; like foot prints on water they disappear; all vague concepts. What will happen as you question all the assumed truths in your life is that you must eventually come to the truth.

Poetic teachers.

2010-10-31T22:35:00.000-07:00

There are, and have been some teachers that capture the essence in word, who speak, or write intelligently, beautifully and poetically. But, there is a subtle danger in these works; not intended, but there for the unwary.

The mind can create the idea that enlightenment is a state beyond the ordinary person's reach and it can keep us in desire rather than truly seeking.

That's not my style; I'm a practical and down to earth person and attempt to express as simply as I can. I'm not interested in you looking up to any-one or viewing them as special - that only keeps you separate. I want you to know that we are all equal - not the same, but equal and that what has happened here can happen to you. You only need guidance to find your way out of the mind and to truth.

And, the truth will set you free.

maintaining enlightenment?

2010-10-21T19:11:00.000-07:00

I'm some-times asked how to maintain the state of enlightenment.

There is nothing to maintain. Either it has happened, or it has not - there is nothing to maintain, nothing to do - it is a complete understanding. It's like riding a bike - do you have to constantly remember how to balance, or to breath or how to digest your food? No, enlightenment is an end in itself, it's complete, - the (apparent) journey is over. There is completion. No more seeking or achieving, no more trying, no more wanting.

The end brings rest, peace and understanding. It is seen that there is nothing to do. For the questioner, it is invariably that they have had a very nice experience, perhaps a glimpse, and they want to stay that way - but that would be stagnation, never changing. The pleasant experience only has meaning because of it's opposite experience. They think that the experience they had might have been enlightenment and want to having it constantly - to be always happy, clear or satisfied. But these things are all part of the world of duality and as such they are all bound to bring with them their opposites. This world is made up of opposites; nothing exists without it's contrasting opposite. There wouldn't be a word for day, if there wasn't a night, the word cold wouldn't be in our vocabulary if there wasn't also hot.

Riding a bike doesn't have to be remembered and neither does enlightenment; it simply is... When you are not riding your bike you are simply getting on with your life - it's the same. If, however, the question comes up then knowing focuses in the required direction, the required subject, your work or hobby, your search. Life goes on, there is nothing to do - there never was; it's all happening spontaineously, and it always was. We only got duped into believing we have choice, that we are the do'er.

There is no journey, no seeking, no seeker and nothing to achieve although there does appears to be - while caught in the illusion of 'me'.

Enlightenment brings perspective.

Enlightenment brings an end to seeking, to the idea that there was a seeker, to the idea there was or is anything to do, that there is something that can be done, even - although , of course, things do get done, but by no-one.

There is nothing to be achieved. Achievement is the task of the mnd - to do, to achieve, to solve problems, to accomplish and to own. The world of concepts.

This is a completely different paradigm.

As it was once said to me 'you are not the clouds, you are the sky in which the clouds appear'.

Audio CD update

2010-09-28T23:10:00.000-07:00

I've managed to write the CD into the website and one form of payment but now I'm looking into using 'paypall'. Does anyone have a better method, or have expeience with paypall?

New CD

2010-09-27T03:03:00.000-07:00

I've just completed recording an audio CD which I expect will sell for around Au$25 + $4 P & P. I just have to work out how to make payments possible.

2010-09-20T00:27:00.000-07:00

We have been taught to learn - in order to survive, get a better job and earn more money and, although learning is important when it comes to Advaita just learning isn't enough. When we are interested in Advaita it becomes automatic to learn something from the books and web sites but if that hasn't hit the spot then more learning probably isn't going to do it.

What's needed is correct learning, a fresh perspective. Learning is of the mind but the mind is the wrong tool for this job. And current knowledge of yourself and existence hasn't brought satisfaction, that's why you are still seeking. More knowledge isn't going to work, since it's just more of the same and more is never enough. In normal life the more we learn of a subject then the clearer will be the understanding as it all comes together. That's not the same in this subject. Advaita is a quest for a totally new perspective, a totally different understanding. The key to the door of the end of the search to this seemingly endless seeking is to know who you are - not just learning about what others say about Advaita in the hope that 'if I learn enough then one day I will understand, and be satisfied'.

Once you know who you are you cease to believe in who you currently think you are and you will then be dealing in reality. And, then your whole understanding will re-align itself in truth, instead of illusion.

Read if you wish but the focus must be on 'who am I?' Try to identify who is the witness of your life, from where you are watching. A closer look will reveal a momentary space between the witness and the witnessed and you will notice that you are the one watching - the ever present witness.

Ego and fear.

2010-05-12T19:56:00.000-07:00

I expect that, if you are reading this blog, you regard yourself as a seeker. As a seeker you will most probably have noticed that at certain times, perhaps when attending 'new age' groups or therapy of some sort that fear will have come up and prevented you from the change you most desperately want.

Of course there are times when fear is quite appropriate - standing on a cliff or the edge of a tall building. If you are not happy with your life as it is, and are not standing on a tall building, and not only do you want change but are actively seeking it then fear is not so appropriate or desirable.

How do you overcome this fear? Well, you know that you can't just turn off the fear generator, can you? Having a closer look at where fear comes from and why it's there will make it clearer though.

When we were pre-two years of age all was well. We don't remember those times as the brain was still developing, but in watching other two year olds it can be observed that they still don't see themselves as a separate entity - an individual, yet. Life for these children is great most of the time as every need is supplied to them, food, warm clothes etc.

When the brain is sufficiently developed it is able to conceptualise, and one of the first concepts is to see itself as an individual able to move about in space/time. This is a great, fun and a natural process of development, but once the child sees itself as an individual it also sees itself adrift from it's mother, separate; the supplier of all it's needs is often out of reach or completely out of sight. This is where the fear starts, the fear of survival, of the body/mind.

The developing brain is able to understand more and more concepts and defends itself ever increasingly. Any attempt at change creates fear in an attempt to maintain the status quo. Fear is the first but with separation comes new challenges - there are more people in the family to compete with and all sorts of emotions appear, to this ever developing and sophisticated life.

Stopping the fear isn't directly possible but by honestly questioning the many beliefs that the brain developed will weaken the beliefs and the resistance to change and over time a clearer vision based on a rational view rather than on belief is acquired.

2010-04-23T06:27:00.000-07:00

Re my blog April 18th. Some realized people try to only talk from a non-dual perspective, they can be a little precious about their 'enlightenment'. This is just another belief systen, ego coming in through the back door.

The body/mind continues to function just as it always had and continues to use language and all language is dual. As long as it's explained that language is dualistic & conceptual then there's no deceit.

From which shore?

2010-04-18T20:59:00.000-07:00

There is a difficulty when talking of non-duality. For a start non-duality cannot be talked about so any attempt is only a pointing towards the truth and never the truth in itself.

I am presented with the dilema - which perspective should I talk from. Most books and websites on non-duality or Advaita talk from the non-dual, after the realization perspective, as if to draw the seeker onward; the carrot before the donkey concept ( please don't take that personally or literally). That's fine but there's a danger that the listener/reader is hearing from a dualistic 'me' perspective and left with their mind trying to understand and this can bring in more and more concepts - of what life is imagined to be like after self relization.

Quite often, and in at least one page of my website I talk about me the person who was seeking. I do this so it's easier for the seeker to relate and feel at one with this person , and his story, who stepped over the line. If you relate to me and my story and also know that I understand, then it's easier to travel 'with' me rather than to feel all alone out there.

If I have crossed a broad river by wading through the turbulent water, look back and see you on the other shore, then it's of little comfort to say to you it's ok you can do it if you didn't watch me cross in the first place. But, if I return through the water and stand by your side then you are more likely to walk with me as I cross - we are doing it together.

In my last days before understanding, there was a looking and questioning of what I expected life to be after the understanding and I honestly didn't have a clue. Sure there had been many thoughts and concepts but the truth was I just didn't know. For me the knowing soon followed. I say this because it's important to be very honest in you search.

Life provides.

2010-04-14T19:44:00.000-07:00

Life provides.

The Rolling Stones sung:- you don't always get what you want but you will find some day you get what you need.

Normally we think that we are in control and never question it; it certainly seems that way. This causes the familiar stress of not quite ever getting enough and what I have observed is that the more people get then the more insecure they are and want even more; it's a trap. As has been said many times 'money will never make you happy', if in deed happiness is what we want...... but what is it that we actually need?

If we step out of the 'rat race' and relax (and we usually do relax) what I have found is that life works on it's own account; life provides. There is seen to be a natural logic, a natural flow - 'going with the flow', it's often expressed as. It might not be what you thought of or ever wanted but it works. After all, trying to swim upstream isn't very intelligent - it's hard work and gets you no-where but resting on your back and floating along takes you quite effortlessly to where the current flows.

Jealousy and effective comunication.

2010-04-14T19:14:00.000-07:00

Jealousy can happen whenever competition is present :-
if I want to be the best dressed person I compare myself with others then I feel jealous of someone else's better attire. If I have a girl or boyfriend and some-one else wants that person then I feel jealous to show that I 'own' and will compete to 'keep' that person.

Jealousy is a byproduct of competition so when we feel jealous we can deduce that we are competing (for something) at some level.

Competition is an automatic mental process of assessing someone or something else, judging and comparing (with me) - wanting to be one or the other or to own. Instead of being with that person this whole process gets in the way of simple communication. So, if we are suffering jealousy it means we are not communicating effectively.

What are dreams.

2010-02-17T22:05:00.000-08:00

Many people have tried to explain why we dream during the night. Taken from a 'me' perspective it's a valid question. The brain/mind is designed to help with problems and also to create possible scenarios based on stimulation it is receiving. The brain is constantly trying to help out and in most cases it does a pretty good job.

During the day there is strong visual, and other stimulus that is quite stable. We call this 'reality' because it's very persistent, but not every-one experiences the same version of 'reality'. We experience reality based on many factors and we assume that every-one is having the same experience. You and I have different realities as does the person suffering from schizophrenia, mania or neurosis.

During the night in the absence of the strong external stimulous the mind continues with it's job by piecing together thoughts, beliefs, wishes, hangups and any internal goings-on; it is still doing what it's designed to but the outcome is less persistant - each dream created out of ever changing inputs.

The brain simply dreams because that's what it's designed to do.

The silent no thingness of our true nature.

2009-12-22T23:29:00.000-08:00

Hi,
It's been many months since I last felt the need to write. Since then the dream of life has been what it's been. Consciousness is quiet and awareness is silent and still. There's nothing that needs be said and there's nothing that has to be done. Isn't this nice after all those years of turmoil, of trying to make sense of our lives? Even after self realization when the true self is known - by no-one there is the urge to share with other's, to 'help' other seekers. It's all just the way it is and of course there is no-one to do anything about it at all; the dream plays itself out the way the dream plays out. That's the point and fruition of self awareness - to see what I am and what I am not and that there is no 'me' here in control. This brings the knowledge that enlightenment is freedom from the idea of an individual and not freedom for the individual.

One of the difficulties for the seeker, however determind, is that we view what we read and hear from a 'me' perspective as this is what is normally thought of as our identity; we've been taught this for all our formative years. The teacher has come to realize there is no me in fact, that the human and it's life is nothing more than a dream and that what I am in fact is awareness itself - the awareness of the human and it's experience; they both are appearances in awareness. The 'me' perspective distorts the message. This is made all the more difficult by the writer using the word 'me'. Which me is being spoken about here? Me, is used in the conventional sense and point to the true me - the ultimate identity - that which I, and you, have always been, are now and will always be.

Dispite the difficulties encountered and the many years of searching and frustrations don't give up as more & more websites pop up from seekers who have discovered the universal truth. These are testament to the fact that the truth is alive and well and not just some story from the past writen on parchment.

consciousness & awareness

2009-06-21T20:17:00.000-07:00

After reading many books and websites on Advaita I came to the conclusion that in the west we generally tend to use consciousness and awareness interchangeably ie we use them both as pointers to the self. But Indians will differentiate them ie give them different meanings. When we meditate or use thought awareness to watch individual thoughts they slow down and we can eventually 'see' the space between individual thoughts. Later it is seen that thoughtlessness can be experienced while we are fully aware. Some times the 'space' becomes still like a pond of water and at other times the 'water' is turbulent. These are both consiousness, with or without thoughts intervening while they are always being witnessed by awareness that is constant.

Likewise in deep sleep there is no self awareness, no sense of presence of self - consciousness has switched off. Awareness continues and note dreams or unusual noises outside the bedroom window eg. We might suddenly be woken by noises and then we are aware of our sense of presence and that is consciousness. Again awareness is the witness of the conscious state and is not a 'state' in itself.

The 'experience' of self realization.

2009-05-26T22:11:00.000-07:00

I'm sometimes asked, via my website and email, about the experience of self realization.

It's not an experience in the usual sense of the word and is actually impossible to describe but can be likened to a visit to the cinema.

When we enter a cinema we sit down and look at the blank screen but don't really pay any attention to it. Soon coloured lights start moving about; the mind very quickly becomes enteretained and starts to make sense of what's happening on the screen and soon makes a story out of it. It's not long before we become involved in the apparent story and characters and soon identify with one of the character in the story and forget that we're actually in the cinema (neither character nor story is actually real).

Like-wise in life the awareness that we are soon became identified with one of the characters that regularly appeared in the story - what we call me.

We are not now, nor will we ever be that character and the story actually has no more substance than a cinema movie but as all the characters in the movie keep telling us that we are real we believe it.

What we are, and have always been, is pure awareness that the story of life appears in, or on. We are, if you like, the screen and like a cinema screen not very entertaining to the mind. After identification we forget who we really are but it doesn't alter the truth of our true nature.

Self realization is the sudden intuitive realization that we are actually the awareness that witnesses everything and not the witnessed; the observer, not the observed.

The story of life continues.
As they say before enlightnment chop wood & fetch water,
After enlightenment chop wood & fetch water.

Have a look at this

2009-01-21T04:39:00.000-08:00

I've not added anything recently since it's all there either in these archives or the website but this address passed through the computer recently and is worth a look.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X8Aurpr68uE
If this isn't 'linked' you might need to copy and past into Google and do a search, it's well worth it.
If you have any questions feel free to contact me - this search comes down to a very simple understanding, it's just gettng past the belief in the 'I' or 'me'.

Brain development

2008-09-05T01:07:00.000-07:00

We start life with an undeveloped brain & central nervous system. For the first 18 months the brain is still evolving and we survive because of the body genetics and our parental support. We start to learn to walk and start basic speech and simple concepts. At around two years of age the brain is developed enough for more complex concepts. Perhaps the most important concept at this stage is the concept of separation. Prior to this a child will run and play. It will run from room to room and enjoy the game of hide & seek. When the child is hungry or lost it only has to cry and it's mother will find and feed it - for those of us who are lucky enough to be brought up in a healthy and prosperous family.

We develop the concept of separation, which is a wonderful and necessary occurence. We can now understand that different rooms of our home can be accessed at will; we can run from room to room with all the delight of a child. This is such a happy time. However, because of this dualistic world there is a down side. The down side is with the concept of separation. We no more feel intimately connected with our mother - the very source of survival, and so we develop anxiety when she is not in view which can lead to fear for our survival simply because we are totaly dependent on 'mother'. With this mental developement we come to understand that there are other competitors for 'mother'. There is a father and other siblings, all wanting her time. This brings in the need for competition and the byproduct of competition is jeolousy. Aloneness can at times become loneliness. And so this time of development is a wonderfull one of exploration but is a terrifying one for the individual. This intence emotional time spearheaded by the fear of our survival is the basis of the ego. The ego tries it's best to help us survive and sometimes the old techniques from chilhood carry on a few years but the ego is here to help us solve our problems. When we go too near to danger we experience fear and so it has worked but it can become too strong an emotion causing us to withdaw into a very safe 'cave like' existance.

As we travel through our lives we try to increase the pleasure while reducing the pain. There are many paths, some will try drugs, some power, some politics all in order to get along and to try to reduce the fear based feeling. For some of us we have a strong feeling that something is wrong - we are quite conscious of this feeling and we endeavour to find the cause and to put it right. We start to search for meaning, many get caught up in ideologies, many in the various new age philosophies. Some find a niche for a while, body work, meditation. Some go on to teach but for perhaps an ever smaller percentage we go on with the exploration, searching new areas on our apparent journey.

Lucky breaks, fortunate meetings, synchronicity will lead us on to the next lesson and once learnt frees us for the next step, to the next lesson. As time goes by we feel that we are learning something, achieving our goales but there is always that undeniable feeling that something is wrong, in the background, pushing us forwards. So far we feel a progression in our search, right up until the very last step when there is a sudden arrival at knowing, knowing what we are - not what we always thought we were. At this point enlightenment or what I prefer to call self realisation happens. With this understanding comes not the belief that we are enlightened but the realisation that there really isn't a 'me' or 'I' here in the first place.

With this comes the feeling that nothing is wrong anymore.

Enlightenment isn't freedom for the idividual but freedom from the individul!

It is not a sudden knowing of everything, it is an undertanding that allows a further unfolding into a deeper understanding of how this whole existence works. It's a very simple and complete understanding and fully satisfying.

Dualistic language

2008-08-07T19:22:00.000-07:00

One of the most difficult, indeed impossible, things to do is to express non-duality with language. The very nature of language is dualistic. The inherent problem is that any attempt, through words, to express what it is that which 'we' are is misleading and the more we try to get this message across the more is given the impression that what is being pointed to is difficult, complex or mystical and there's nothing further from the truth. Non-dualistic pointers are to the simple fact that awareness is the basis of our total experience and hence awareness is what we are.

Stephen Wingate in this talk expresss it very clearly in podcast no.12 (A conversation with Stephen Wingate-part 2) at www.urbangurucafe.com

The international calling.

2008-08-07T05:37:00.000-07:00

Even in my youth I felt an international pull. I lived in England and in the sixties the pop scene was a lively & developing one, unfortunately there were not the radio stations to listen to the music then. One reliably good station was Radio Luxemburg but this was only able to be heard adequately enough after about 10 pm and would phase in & out terribly. Soon after that the pirate stations started to broadcast from ships outside the Territorial waters of England in international water until the government jammed then and eventually shut them down altogether. They were exciting times.

I knew of 'ham' radio with which opperators could speak to each other around the world on short wave, but I wasn't an electronics freak so that was out of the question.

Electronics have advanced so much these days that we can have 'blogs' and websites. I find it constantly fascinating to review visitors to both my website and blog, where they come from and how long they stay, although I don't get adresses or names. Eg this month I see that people as far as Iceland and South Africa have recently accessed my website, and my blog from China.

That feeling that I belonged to the international world and not just my out little neighbourhood has come to fruition.

Don't make it a belief.

2008-07-28T01:49:00.000-07:00

A friend used to say "Don't believe a single word I'm saying" - meaning don't make a belief out of it. Use what I'm saying here in this blog as a pointer to do your own investigation, to look for yourself, so you understand directly. Then you won't need a belief - it'll be your direct knowing. This is the aim of Advaita - to bring you to knowedge, not to make you a follower. Then you won't have to 'believe' any of this, then you will know and your journey will be over.

Actually your apparent journey, that never was, will apparently be over. It will be understood, as I think it was Ramana who said "nothing ever happened".

Thoughts and meditation.

2008-07-28T01:33:00.000-07:00

When we sit to meditate, one of the most persistant and annoying distractions is the constant stream of thoughts, they just keep appearing unbidden even though we want to sit in silence. We want to sit in peace for a few minutes and just be. But, the mind will not switch off, thoughts will not leave us alone, we cannot stop them. And yet dispite this direct evidence we still maintain the belief that we are the source of our thoughts, that we are in control of them and that this is 'my' mind and is something that I can use at will.

If you haven't meditated may I suggest that you go and do it now. And watch that you re totally unable to stop a thought appearing.

The three Omnis as opposed to separation.

2008-07-28T00:57:00.000-07:00

It is said that GOD is omnipotent, omniscient & omnipresent. That means that he is all powerful, all knowing & all present (everywhere), which means there is nothing or nowhere that is not him. Then since there is nothing that is not him there is no space for a separate a you or a me. This being the case then this whole life is part of his-story. Even 'our' story is actually his story.

If you claim to exist as a separate being with power, knowledge and presence then you are reducing God's being to less than totality; that there is you and God, in which case God is not omnipotent, omniscient & omnipresent and this is obsurd.

I, you & me are concepts only. They do not exist in reality, they are mental concepts. So, look deeply into yourself to find where the 'me' resides, where it starts and where it ends. If you look deeply and long enough you may notice that while you undertake this search for what you think is you that the real you is actually wittnessing all the various identifications and activities of the mind.
You are the wittnessing awareness. You are not the belief. You are not the thoughts and you are not the human.

An email I recently received.

2008-07-27T05:23:00.000-07:00

The New Religion of the 21st Century
(From a myspace.com bulletin)

On the surface of the world right now there is war and violence and things seem dark
But calmly and quietly, at the same time, something else is happening underground
An inner revolution is taking place and certain individuals are being called to a higher light
It is a silent revolution
From the inside out
From the ground up

It is time for me to reveal myself
I am an embedded agent of an secret, undercover
Clandestine Global operation
A spiritual conspiracy
We have sleeper cells in every nation on the planet

You won't see us on the T.V.
You won't read about us in the newspaper
You won't hear about us on the radio

We don't seek any glory
We don't wear any uniform
We come in all shapes and sizes
Colors and styles

Most of us work anonymously
We are quietly working behind the scenes in every country and culture of the world
Cities big and small, mountains and valleys, in farms and villages, tribes and remote islands

You could pass by one of us on the street and not even notice
We go undercover
We remain behind the scenes
It is of no concern to us who takes the final credit
But simply that the work gets done

Occasionally we spot each other in the street
We give a quiet nod and continue on our way so no one will notice

During the day many of us pretend we have normal jobs
But behind the false storefront at night is where the real work takes a place

Some call us the 'Conscious Army'
We are slowly creating a new world with the power of our minds and hearts
We follow, with passion and joy
Our orders from the Central Command
The Spiritual Intelligence Agency

We are dropping soft, secret love bombs when no ones is looking
Poems
Hugs
Music
Photography
Movies
Kind words
Smiles
Meditation and prayer
Dance
Social activism
Websites
Blogs
Random acts of kindness

We each express ourselves in our own unique ways with our own unique gifts and talents

'Be the change you want to see in the world'
That is the motto that fills our hearts
We know it is the only way real transformation takes place
We know that quietly and humbly we have the power of all the oceans combined

Our work is slow and meticulous
Like the formation of mountains
It is not even visible at first glance
And yet with it entire tectonic plates shall be moved in the centuries to come

Love is the new religion of the 21st century

You don't have to be a highly educated person
Or have any exceptional knowledge to understand it

It comes from the intelligence of the heart
Embedded in the timeless evolutionary pulse of all human beings

Be the change you want to see in the world
Nobody else can do it for you

We are now recruiting
Perhaps you will join us
Or already have....
All are welcome...
The door is open

-Brian Piergrossi
(From the book 'The Big Glow')

The sudden self realization.

2008-07-24T19:06:00.000-07:00

This is an expression of the sudden insight (self realization) from Randall Friend (http://avastu0.blogspot.com/).

"Roy,

Another "revelation" to share:

So this present awareness is IT, it is what the big deal is all about.
The pure SEEING, before thoughts, identification, labeling, judgements
occur. Those occur IN TIME, AFTER the PURE SEEING. I AM that PURE
SEEING. Present awareness means pure unqualified awareness RIGHT NOW, in
this "moment". A "moment" is only a concept because thoughts and memories
of a previous "moment" must arise in order to feel a sense of continuity
of moments.

We identify with the thoughts, think they are what's doing things. But
how could they? A thought can't see, can't hear, can't lift an arm or
leg. The same intelligent energy that grows a tree from an acorn or
creates a living cell or organism is doing that. "I" am just the witness
of all these "happenings". Just pure present awareness. The suffering is
all in thought and the body's reaction to that thought. Pure present
awareness witnesses these "happenings", good or bad, without ever
changing, without ever being involved. The "good or bad" is added on
later, in thought.

I am JUST that pure awareness - the rest (body, thoughts, memories,
history, life situation) is all an appearance in this awareness. These
all change - the undifferentiated, unqualified PRESENT awareness does not
and has not EVER changed. Even TIME is a concept - the passing of time is
a sense that arises. This PRESENT moment in awareness is the unchanging
ground for all that arises and the appearance of time is in the mind.

Wow - seems many things have come together in some level of
understanding. There is not a dropping away of the separate-self sense,
in fact it's seen as not a problem. The present awareness is PRIOR to
that sense. This "revelation" seemingly came up after reading and the
entire body shook and the breath was short for a while, almost as if
excited or afraid.

It seems nothing more can be said at the moment without moving away from
THIS."

Cd by Bill East.

2008-07-24T03:12:00.000-07:00

What I've wanted to say about Advaita is contained in the archives, if I add more I feel that I will be repeating myself - which isn't a bad thing, actually, since different people, at different times in their lives will hear a message differently but I don't like repeating myself so I haven't had much to say recently.

I have had the opportunity to listen to Bill East's new music CD (whatamireally.com). Bill is comfortable repeating his important message and indeed in the confines of a song repetition is needed. In songs he asks "Is there a separate independant I or me?" This is an important Advaitic pointer for anyone searching for meaning.

Other tracks like "Is everything, happening uncontrollably?" and "Am I the awareness, of, everything?" or "Do all things appear & disappear in awareness?" Classic stuff really and each song could open a discourse in itself.

Good luck with your music Bill.
'

Overcoming the fear to asking a question.

2008-01-17T17:06:00.000-08:00

When do we ask a question?

How many times do we read websites as we search for meaning?

We are on a quest - looking for something. We are questioning but what about a specific question, our question?

I found, in my own experience, that I usually didn't have a pressing question, at least not one that I was aware of. I was just looking for more understanding. At other times I was of the opinion that my question might be seen as not intelligent enough or to sound silly - not cleaver enough for the teacher - that they knew far more than me; that they are somehow more advanced than me. There was, after all, the evidence that there were always other seekers who had 'hung around' the teacher/guru far longer and they still didn't 'get it' so this enlightenment thing must be really difficult. I was too concerned with my inadequacy to ask a question in front of an audience; would they laugh at me? At other's I didn't want to bother the website author - they have far more important things to deal with than me, I thought.

Later on there did become specific issues/questions that stood in the way. Blocks to my understanding came into focus. I recognised they had to be answered or I might stay stuck at that point. There became an urgency to know - to get the whole searching thing over with. It was this desperation, this absolute need to get donewith this search that started me posting questions.

I was told a story about a dog in the desert, and there was a lake. The dog was thirsty and went to the water's edge for a drink, but as it did so it saw it's reflection - there was another dog! It became frightened it barked and ran away. Later on in the day this happened again but the sun got hotter. It was not until the thirst was greater than the fear that the dog was able to pluck up the courage to run and jump straight into the water, and the reflection - the other dog, was gone.

This is how it often is with us seekers too. The mind is good at creating fear, and it holds us back.

If you regard youself as a seeker you might like to look at my website www.beyondseeking.com

Karma? Merit?

2007-11-28T21:26:00.000-08:00

The idea of either karma and/or merit is an interesting one and easily misunderstood.

If we view this question from a 'me' perspective then it makes sense that we would expect the fruits of good deeds and have to pay for bad ones. However, self realization reveals that the 'me' is nothing but an illusion and hense there is in fact no individual 'me' to benefit or lose on either count.

This does not mean there is no karma or that merit isn't needed to gain understanding. Karma exists as cause & effect, but not for an individual. Cause & effect functions immediately. Put your finger in the fire and it burns now, not in some future life.

If the question is seen from an 'I AM' perspective then karma is seen every day as the way life unfolds, and will continue to unfold until it is due to stop. And merit is a destiny with 'understanding'.

As Ramesh Balsekar once said "there is nothing you can do to become enlightened - because there is no you".

There being no 'you/me/I' doesn't mean enlightenment doesn't happen - it does, but not to the 'me'. Enlightenment is the realization that there is no me - and there never was. This is the untimate freedom, not freedom for the individual but freedom from the individual - from the idea of 'me'.

Are you a seeker?

2007-11-28T00:00:00.000-08:00

If you regard yourself as a seeker and are interested in Advaita you might like to take a look at my website.
http://www.beyondseeking.com/

Nothing new

2007-11-27T21:30:00.000-08:00

There is an expectation that blogs have to be updated regularly but everything has been said and repeated here and in the accompanying website. What Advaita points to is the eternal. It's only the superficial and unreal that needs constant reinforcement. What you truly are is unchanging and unchangeable - that's the point but what we've been taught to focus on is the ever changing unreal - that which needs constant support, but no matter how hard or how many times we repeat it the unreal will never become real, we will never become the human although unfortunately most people think they are (the human). It's just a case of reinforced mistaken identity. I think it was Adyashanti who said 'you are not a human having a spiritual experience, but spirit having a human experience.

In the end though, and not to get into philosophy, it really doesn't matter as it's all what's supposed to happen (and I can hear certain people objecting to that already).

In the search for understanding we entertain many ideas, new age concepts, philosophies and religions. Some people are less inclined to look too far from their familiar and known world view, while others eagerly explore anything with a promise of an end to that feeling that 'something is wrong'. All of these new ideas have something to offer but alas none of them are the complete story and in many cases are quite misguiding. We have seen many cases in the past few decades where, it has turned out, the group leader had a narcissistic personality and in those cases inocent 'followers' have become their victims. No matter what the new idea is and however much it promises to give you what you are looking for remember that if the feeling that something is wrong persists then it's still time to continue the search. Learn what's being taught and 'move on'. As someone once said 'be like the wise ant, when it comes upon a pile of sand and sugar crystals, take the sugar and leaves the sand'.

If we find ourselves defending one of those ideas then be aware that it's probably not the truth, but another belief that the mind has accumulated. When we cross a river we may take a small boat to get to the other side but once on the other shore if we pick up that boat and carry, or drag it across the land it becomes an impediment to our journey. We have to know when to get into the boat, recognize that part of the journey is complete and get out again.

There comes a point in our search when Advaita enters the arena, as this has done for you. This can be the final step and is for many.

I'm b-a-c-k.

2007-11-27T20:39:00.000-08:00

Some frustrating times - oh yes, being self realized doesn't stop emotions. The human is designed to feel the whole gambit of bodily sensations/experiences/emotions etc that it's programmed to. This doesn't stop, although the experience is modified considerably from the old 'suffering' (finger on the pause button of life) experiencing to a freewheeling, witnessing view of life as it unfolds. What you are is not the one experiencing or the experience but the omnipresent awareness of the perception of the experiences.

Back to the frustrations. Firstly the website became, in a word, "stuffed". A new one was built by a kind friend and as soon as that was in place the computer motherboard got 'fried'. Finaly we're back to normal but with a heap of changes yet to be made or added. The frustrations were from being out of contact - I've discovered I'm bionic!

You are the timeless.

2006-11-19T03:59:00.000-08:00

Have you noticed that as you age you don't feel any older.

As people age they usually find it quite amusing, they feel the same youthful person while the mirror tells quite a different story - that the body is aging. This is because you are not the body - you are the awareness of the body, and awareness doesn't age, it was never born and will never die, it's ageless and timeless, is eternal and so are you.....

The unspeakable.

2006-11-15T17:30:00.000-08:00

"You can't speak about that which is prior to speech".

This is the difficulty that is Advaita. It points to 'THAT' which is the current state prior to language develpment, even now - so all language fails here.

I read a statement by a language professor who said, something to the effect, that language forms (or supports) our beliefs. In this case that is true. When we say 'I breath' or 'I see' it leads us to continue to believe that we are responsible for these actions. If that were true then who is doing the breathing during sleep? No 'we' are not doing the breathing, seeing, hearing, digesting or any of the manifold bodily activities that go on twenty four hours a day, while we seemingly get on with life - as John Lennon sang - "life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans". And even the 'other plans' are not in your control - they are just happening.

No need to become who you already are.

2006-11-05T03:57:00.000-08:00

There is no need to become anything or anyone. We are already who we are, we couldn't be otherwise. The problem is that most people want to be someone or something else, different in some way. Seeking or becoming is avoidance of seeing that we already are who we are. We are the way we were intended to be, not that it's fixed, it evolves. We already are the self. So what are we looking for? Once that's acknowledged, even philosophically, then the question is what we are, and it doesn't take long with close inspection to see that we are pure subjectivity - presence/awareness.

Guidance is usually needed.

2006-10-04T20:08:00.000-07:00

With guidance, it is seen that in fact we are not responsible for our thoughts and memories. Thoughts and memories are spontaneous. They are not under our control, and it is seen that there is no-one to control them.

We believe that ‘we think’. It’s a culturally normal belief to have and our experience supports this idea, and what’s more we are supposed to think this. But, on close inspection it is noticed that thoughts appear spontaneously, even when we don’t want them to. Thoughts are so interesting that we immediately ‘jump’ onto them and become absorbed by the entertainment – it’s fun – yes even the horror of that some provide. A series of thoughts appear and we’re off with the fairies!

It’s only after awareness becomes identified with an object that the experience becomes personal. The feeling of ‘personal’ supports the idea that there is a separate entity ‘who’ thinks and acts. Identity leads to ‘personal’ which supports identity, and a cycle is set up. All life’s experiences get added to this belief in the personal – the belief in the separate ‘me’. For most people the idea of looking into this phenomenon never occurs but for a few seekers the search begins.

The long term, or serious seeker, who comes into contact with Advaita is, in my opinion, blessed. Advaita is the beginning of the end. Advaita systematically points out the false beliefs and leads the seeker to identify the self.

You are, before thoughts.

2006-10-04T19:48:00.000-07:00

The mind creates a lot of ideas of what realization is. It is the job of the mind to seek solutions to problems. In everyday life mind is well suited to problem solving and a very useful tool. It works non-stop seeking solutions to perceived problems. When it comes to realization, however, it is the wrong tool for the job because the mind is yet another object in awareness and witnessed by subjectivity.

Notice the times in the day when there are no thoughts happening and become more attuned with those times - more familier with them. As you become used to the mental silence, notice that you don't disappear, you don't cease to exist, you are still there - that it just means there are no thoughts. In those moments you still ARE, you are the awareness that watches the thoughts, you are awareness. Your identity is not dependant on thoughts.

The bottom line.

2006-09-24T05:18:00.000-07:00

The bottom line is there is either subject or object, nothing else.

Everything we know, the world, this human, cars, trees, thoughts, memories, experiences are all objects.

What has to be recognized is that you are the subject and subject is not an object and so cannot be found - who is to find it? There is nothing to be found - it doesn't exist - it's a no-thing. If it were a something it would be an object and objects by their very nature are limited. They appear here, not over there. They have dimension or definition, and this locates them to one place or understanding.

Subject is aware of all objects, of all your thoughts, memories, experiences, dreams.

To just read this may not be enough. There is a danger of it becoming just more information - more accumulated knowledge, more objects.

What is needed is a closer look, a closer look at all the things we have grown up believing without question, what we have assumed ourselves to be. We need to question what we think constitutes an object and what is the subject, exactly. One of the assumed aspects of the subject is a 'me'. In fact, on close inspection, there is no me. There is subject of object and no third party in charge, no me overseeing events. The 'me' is another object that we have identified with.

After realization the 'me' doesn't actually disappear, but it does cease to be an exclusive point of view - an identity. It becomes included as a point of view for communication purposes. The 'me' is an illusion, but so is the appearance of water on a hot road. We understand the shimmering to be light affected by the heat rising off the road, and it continues. In the same way we come to realize that the me is an illusion but it still has it's job to do in language. Instead of identifying with the me we see it to be yet another object appearing to the subject.

The mind creates a lot of ideas of what it thinks life is like after realization. It's the job of the mind to seek solutions to problems, and in everyday life it does this, but when it comes to the search for the self it is out of it's depth. The mind can't contain awareness as awareness contains the mind - the mind is another object appearing in awareness, another object witnessed by awareness.

There is more on my website http://www.beyondseeking.com/

Everything is as it should be.

2006-09-24T05:14:00.000-07:00

When there's no seeker/seeking, then everything is as it should be. Life flows. The problem appears with the advent of the seeker.

Don't seek, know that you are.

2006-09-11T20:48:00.000-07:00

Forget becoming, attaining, reaching any sort of perfection.

Give up anything in the future.

See that you are, right now.

What you are seeking is your own nature - to know what you are.

All seeking is for something - but you are already THAT. Seeking will only delay seeing, because it is an expectation of something in the future.

Not a social activist.

2006-09-06T05:12:00.000-07:00

The realized person is generally not a social activist. They may host meetings to help others understand themselves, but this is not to change them, but to be part of the change that is inevitabally part of life. They understand that they cannot change anything, and indeed there is no need for change. In fact many self realized people remain silent.

Language is dualistic.

2006-09-06T04:33:00.000-07:00

Language is designed and developed around the idea of the separate individual. It goes on to reinforce this belief. The idea of individuality gradually gains strength and inhibits the use of language in describing non-duality. Our developing brains are hard wired with language, which makes the search for meaning all the more difficult, as every attempt at describing what we actually are is thwarted by the dualistic language we use to describe it.

Advaita - non-duality.

2006-08-18T18:51:00.000-07:00

Feel free to view my web site at http://www.beyondseeking.com/ but you might have to re-type this address as it's not linked automatically.
Devgrah.

The constantly changing nature of life.

2006-08-18T18:02:00.000-07:00

To every cause there is an effect, or as Newton stated in his third law of motion "action and reaction are equal and opposite".

Old science used to believe that, say, if a ball bounces back and forth in an enclosed space and we ignore the effects of gravity and friction so it continues indefinitely, that the balls' location can be predicted, that it can be known exactly where it will be at any time - it's path can be tracked mathematically. But quantum theory says the balls' motion and location cannot be predicted. It can only be reliably stated that the ball will be in one half for fifty percent of the time and in the other half for fifty percent of the time. It's only when the observer becomes involved in the experiment that the location can be determined. I'm finding this to be a more accurate expression of life. Life constantly changes and is not predictable - other than to say it will constantly change. Then the change is in danger of becoming a constant so things stay the say for a while - just for a change. Life couldn't be the same or be in a constant change or it would mean it was rigid in some way and life cannot be rigid. It's very nature is change.

Man and 'his' environment.

2006-08-18T17:44:00.000-07:00

Man doesn't live 'in' the environment as in 'man and his environment'. He is part of the environment and continuous with it. We are permantly surrounded with air and can't live without it. The gases are around us, in the lungs and in the blood stream and become part of the body. Water is outside and inside, making up most of the body and in a constant exchange. Food is taken in, digested and becoming part of the body or being discarded as waste. White blood cells are replaced about every eighty eight days, red cells about every one hundred and six days while bone is completely replaced every eleven years. This body is not the one that existed a dozen years ago - every part of it has changed.

There is no separations between man and his evnirenment but as gas is generally invisible it appears that the body is independant and to maintain this illusion we conveniently ignore the other points.

I am THAT and this.

2006-08-18T00:09:00.000-07:00

It is easy for the mind to imagine that self realization is a sort of ultimate understanding. A paradise gained which, once found provides a perfect emotional experience - like being forever blissful. There are several easily made mistakes here and one is the desire for bliss as an escape from daily life. In the world of duality we experience a wide range of emotion from depression to elation. For many people who are unhappy in their daily lives the idea of bliss is very appealing. But bliss is just a pendulum swing away from misery.

Life is ever changing and a constant expression of changing emotions on a subtle and not so subtle level. I'm not talking about the mental illness of manic depression, I'm talking about moments of flatness and moments of bubbly joy just erupting for no apparent reason. On the other hand there could be a reason, but always changing. If we are alive then everything will change.

Life is change and change is life.

To try to stop this natural tapestry is a sort of emotional suicide and a wish for permanent bliss is really no better.

Let all of life continue to cycle, and not just the emotions. Let happen what will and observe everything. Opposites come and go. Not trying to control it is a revelation. Opposites aren't really opposite but are the other aspect and another part of the same.

It's easy to imagine that self realization lifts you to a 'higher' plain, one of increased perfection or even a perfect state. Perfection presents a problem here though as perfect conjurs up an idea of no flaws, no opposites, no down sides. But this never changing state would soon become stagnant, and self realization isn't stagnant. So what happens? There is no norm, but at first there is the all important realization of what we are, what we truely are. This can be expressed as 'I am awareness' and not the human that appears in awareness. We can shorten it to I am THAT and not this. As the realization evolves this statement remains true but is seen to be dualistic i.e. that and not this. The appearance of the world is a pattern of energy which erupts from the potential to the actual and is ultimately not different - not-dual. So what comes to be understood is that actually I am that and this. As Ramana Maharshi said "all there is, is consciousness". This equally could be stated as all there is, is awareness. The appearance in awareness is made of awareness also. Ultimately all there is, is this. So it would be equally valid to say I am this human as much as I am the awareness of the human - as long as all is included, non-dualistically.

Repeadedly ask the question 'who am I'? Watch the answers change. Many answers will be there but 'the' answer will not appear. You will not get 'the' answer. What may be noticed though, is that I am that which is witnessing the question and answers. I am THAT which witnesses, that which never appears in awareness.

Illusion, real or unreal?

2006-08-17T18:28:00.000-07:00

Life is not black & white and so can't be pigeon holed, even though the mind and society tries to. What is real and what is unreal? What is an illusion?

The classic example given is to look down at a piece of rope in the grass and percieve a snake. If this has happened to you, you will know you then acted as if it was a snake. Fight or flight took over and symptoms of increased heart and respiration rate followed an adrenaline release. Sugar was released for the needed energy boost in response to the percieved threat and you most probably jumped backwards out of fear of the percieved danger.

In this moment the snake is real to the nervous system. The central nervous system doesn't say to itself I'll prepare for something that doesn't exist. It sees the snake as real.

So the imagined snake is both real and unreal.

Immediately following you probably looked again and found it to be nothing other than a piece of rope and realized the snake was a illusion. You don't ask where has the snake gone. And in the morning upon waking you don't spend the day wondering what happened to the people in your dream.

While playing a computer game, recently, where a ball (on the screen) is in play and deflected to knock down buildings, I watched the 'ball' act as if it were a ball in a three dimentional room - even if the computer screen only delivered two dimensions. The 'ball' bounced off the surrounding 'walls'. We enjoy these computer games but all the while understanding there is no ball, walls or buildings. It's all just electrons acting according to mathamatical formulae and the computer delivering the illusion according to it's programming. It's a sustained illusion.

Any scientist will attest to the unreality of solidness in what is otherwise percieved as a solid world. Objects looked at closely enough, will be seen as nothing other than minute packets of energy surrounded by lots of space. These packets of energy and the patterns they form make up atoms, molecules and 'matter'. This is a sustained illusion too and yet we believe it to be real. It appears as real because it's looked at and percieved through the central nervous system, without which nothing would appear. The human and nervous system are part of the world of illusion and they report on that world, creating and maintaining the illusion. They are a keyhole into the world for awareness to wittness. You could say God is dreaming. In fact Hinduism calls it Lila - the play of consciouness.

Awareness becomes identified with the appearance and that identification produces the familiar feelings of personal and presence. In this 'dream', we dreamed people play our our various rolls exactly as we are supposed to.

Time travelling faster with age.

2006-06-28T03:50:00.000-07:00

See blog 'Life as an abstraction' Feb 2006. Time appears to pass more quickly with advancing age. When we're fifteen years old we may have a memory that goes back a dozen years and during that time remember, say, a thousand memories. When we get to, say, sixty years of age we may still have the same thousand (more or less) memories abstracted out but spread over fifty five years or so. So with the same amount of memories but more time passing it gives the impression that time is passing more quickly.

Not thoughts but the space they appear in.

2006-06-28T01:48:00.000-07:00

When you are involed in thoughts you give energy to them and derive an identity. When it is seen that your identity is not tied to the thoughts then thoughts gradually reduce and long periods of silence follow.
Roy.

All there is is everything.

2006-06-28T00:24:00.000-07:00

All there is is everything. And that everything is in a continuous, seemless change. This manifestation is dualistic by it's very nature. Nothing exists without it's opposite, or at least a contrast. Animals hunt when hungry and sleep when tired and not according to the clock. They don't have the concepts of duality. Humans, on the other hand, have an intellect. Their intellect is capable of producing concepts and to understand duality. With seeking and learning about Advaita and non-duality there is the suggestiong that duality is the problem however it's not. The problem occures where the intellect has developed a 'me', or a belief in a me. Because the me, or the mind sees duality but chooses to identify with one half and rejects the other half. For most people there is no questioning in the dualistic nature of existence - they merely choose the better half of being right/wrong or good/bad and that choicless choice on their part maintains the dualistic swing of the mind and their involvement in it.

Surrender.

2006-06-27T23:52:00.000-07:00

Surrender is needed. Without surrender the ego is in full flight. Even during it's quiet time it is still the ego believing it's in control. As long as the ego believes it's in control there is no surrender because it's not for the ego to surrender but that it is that surrender happens, impersonally. As long as we think that we have to surrender then it is ego believing it's in control and believing that surrender can be achieved. It takes the degree of surrender that happens with the awareness of the possibility that enlightenment may never happen to this person and to accept it without a fight.

The balanced duality.

2006-06-27T23:15:00.000-07:00

We live in duality and it is the nature of the mind to cling to one aspect of the duality and to reject the other half. The mind will then tend to believe in it's chosen half exclusively. It's this exclusivity that causes arguments, fights and wars. The personal identity comes from believing in one half of each of the myriad of concepts in duality. Balance is restored when we start to learn that duality is inherent in lifes system and needed for everything to exist then we see that neither half of day/night nor up/down is better than the other, that they are simply opposites and different. Once this is seen we slip up a cog, as it were, and we simply see the balanced world of duality of existence on the one hand while on the other we see the everything/nothing of the whole manifestation. Enlightenment is the release from the world of duality and conflict into the understanding of a higher level of everything/nothing without losing the worldly view that is dualistic.

The 'me' is an assumption only.

2006-06-23T04:26:00.000-07:00

The 'me' is an assumption, an identity, a belief without substance. On close inspection it weakens and starts to collapse. The moment of realization of our true self, ie that we are awareness and not any of the objects appearing in awareness brings about enlightenment. Dispite the minds ideas, enlightenment is not the final, fixed state of bliss since that would be stagnation. No, understanding continues to evolve. Advaita is a system of pointers that talks about non-duality and brings about the intuitive apperception that I am awareness. It brings about the end of the journey of separation. But saying that I am awareness and not the content of awareness is dualistic and separating in itself. This understanding evolves until it is seen that even the contents of awareness are also made of awareness - non-duality. The fragmenting mind settles down and puts less effort into separating, catagorising and labelling and it is more frequently seen that any dualistic labels, up/down, day/night etc. are merely labels and have no connection with reality. It is the dividing mind that says day or night when in fact there is no demarcating point between them. It is one seemless continuum. The ever changing face of existence. There is no need for the label day or night except in language. Life can now be enjoyed for what it is without the ever present dividing mind labelling, judging, comparing and choosing. This continual mental activity brings anguish and suffering.

Duality into non-duality.

2006-06-23T04:08:00.000-07:00

We use duality in an attempt to describe non-duality. We ask 'who am I' in an attempt to know our true nature. But how can you divide in non-duality? That which we are is both nothing and everything and language is never enough. Ramana Maharshi was said to use the concept of taking a thorn from a tree to use as a tool to remove a thorn embeded in the skin. When the thorn is removed both thorns are thrown away. Language is part of the duality of life and so we have to use it but inherent difficulties arise when we try to describe non-duality. The term 'poiters' is used instead of 'truths'.

Everything and nothing.

2006-06-23T03:16:00.000-07:00

Self realization is different to enlightenment although both words are often used interchangeably. Self realization is easy to describe as it's the sudden intuitive realization of your true nature. Enlightenment, however, is the effect of self realization and describing this is where language falls short. From an enlightened perspective you are at first seen as pure awareness but later as both awareness and it's expression. The experience of being human continues but not exclusively as a human. Now is added the inclusive understanding that while the human experience continues - we are the awareness of the human experience. Or you could say we are everything and no-thing.

Experience but no experiencer.

2006-06-23T02:51:00.000-07:00

I spent the best part of my life thinking of myself as someone experiencing life. Now I know there is no 'me', to do anything, to experience anything, that in fact there is only the experience. The experience goes on but there is no 'me' to interfere - to think of itself as in control. How simple.

Awareness comes last, or first?

2006-05-06T23:51:00.000-07:00

I've heard a scientist on tv say that we humans are very complex and advanced creatures on this planet. I have to agree with that. But he also said that we are so advanced that we have developed awareness. Now that part I can't agree with. My dog is aware of me and especially so at feeding time. When I first came to western Australia I saw what is known as a meat ant. They are about an inch long and will give quite a bite. As I saw it I bent down for a closer look and immediately it backed up and reared it's front legs up in a defensive posture. It was quite obvious that this ant was aware of my presence.

The human experience.

2006-05-03T19:39:00.000-07:00

As we seek and search for meaning the mind conjures up ideas, it forms theories about what it is that it's trying to understand. It is the mind's job to seek solutions to problems and find order in chaos. What often happens is that with contact with new age philosophies we are exposed to a vast variety of ideas about what is needed to gain enlightenment, what is needed to purify the body and ideas about what enlightenment actually is. Most of these ideas are erroneous and they actually become an impediment. The idea that you can do something about enlightenment reinforces the idea that there is someone here who can do anything.

Classical concepts like omnipresent awareness creates the idea that once you are enlightened you will view the world from many angles simultaneously, other than your particular human experience. But that's not so simply because your particular experience is formed by the central nervous system processing and forming a unique perception that is then witnessed and from one particular vantage point in space/time. Pursuing the question 'who am I' will bring you to the point of seeing that whatever the mind wants to cling to as an identification is witnessed by awareness - is an object in awareness. Nothing appears without awareness witnessing it and in that way awareness is omnipresent. Enlightenment doesn't happen to an individual it happens through an individual. The human experience continues as before, from it's particular vantage point.

The mind, being just another object that appears in awareness, can never know awareness - subjectivity. But it continues to work as hard as it can to understand. In the end what is seen is that all there is is awareness and that all the appearances in awareness are awareness also. Waves on the ocean - the waves are still the ocean and at no time are they other than the ocean. Appearances in awareness are patterns of energy, ripples, in awareness and made of awareness.

One of the ideas that the mind will throw up is that after self realization the whole experiece will be different. Well! It is different and it is the same, meaning that the difference is that there is a more holistic understanding (and without the 'me' and all the suffering that goes with it). The human experience continues exactly as it did before as just another appearance in awareness, but now we don't understand exclusively via the human experience. We understand more holistically that we are the awareness the human experience appears in. Another way of looking at it is to imagine you are looking through a keyhole in a door into another room. As we grow up we look through these eyes but gradually forget that we are the one looking and become identified with the events in the other room. Self realization is the remembering that we are the one looking and are not the events in the other room, even though they continue and we continue to look.

The sensitive seeker.

2006-05-03T18:13:00.000-07:00

For most people life is exactly as it should be. In fact it's true for all of us. But for some of us who come to call ourselves seekers we have this intuitive feeling that something is wrong - or at least not quite right. It's an itch that we have difficulty scratching and it just doesn't go away. It's common for this feeling to exist for twenty odd years.

For me the final stages only came with the introduction of Advaita - or non-duality. Advaita is a wonderful system of pointers that led me to discover my true nature, a nature that was always true, but in the process of growing up I simply overlooked it and became identified as a person and used my mind to find the solution to problems. After all, the mind is designed exactly for that purpose - it makes sence out of chaos, and does it's best to solve problems. However the mind, being an object, can never understand the subjective space it occupies - the cognizing emptiness as 'Sailor' Bob calls it. The problem is that as people we use the mind exclusively. The solution is to once more become aware of, or to understand that there is a space that the mind occupies. The mind continues, it does it's job, but once it is known that we are not people with minds and evolved enough to become aware, but in fact that awareness is primary and everything else appears in it. Without awareness nothing is known. Thoughts are not detectable without awareness. So awareness is primary and everything else is secondry, objects appearing in awareness.

Once it dawns on us intuitively that in fact we are awareness then it is clearly seen that all thoughts and feelings appear and disappear on a regular basis but there is no-one to do anything about it. There is no-one in existence. The only thing that does not appear in awareness is a 'me'.
Prior to the realization we have been identified as a human. The 'me', that idea of a me came about as the result of the nature of the mind to identify patterns of energy and create order out of chaos. So what has always happened is that primarily there is awareness and thoughts, feelings, beliefs, this body, the world and the mind appear in random order. The mind observes this random order and makes sence of it.

If, as a child, the mind observes other people speaking directly to it and repeating a name it doesn't take long to say ah ha!, here I am and this is my name. This gets added to the original concept of seperation and the belief in an individual builds up. Without that mind life would be quite chaotic, so the mind continues to work - cutting wood and carrying water, but with realization we no longer live exclusively as the false identity. We know absolutely that what we are is the awareness that wittnesses everything.

With the new realization the seeking and the anquish of the seeker ends because we have once more found what we truely are, what we were looking for, what was never lost. Now it can be said that there is nothing wrong anymore.

The human appearance.

2006-04-20T21:03:00.000-07:00

You can't be a human knowing awareness, because you're not a human. You can only be awareness knowing a human experience. The human experience is an experience that happens in awareness - in you.

Dividing the indivisible.

2006-04-19T05:22:00.000-07:00

If you divide the indivisible into three. Firstly the body/mind, which is uniquely programmed for homeostasis - balance & survival, that is if it's hungry it seeks food, thirsty it seeks water and tired then it seeks to recharge with sleep. Secondly there is awareness that reflects the perceptions of the body/mind and thirdly a 'me'. Is there a need for the third party, a 'me' and what is it's purpose? The question is who, or what am I. If I am the body/mind then I'm just a lump of meat - an object, essentially no different from any other animal. If I am the 'me' that we generally believe ourselves to be what is it's purpose? Why would the 'me' want to interfere with a body/mind that is programmed to look after itself and survive? Or thirdly am I the awareness that reflects everything - that witnesses everything that the nervous system produces. The great masters tell us that we are pure awareness. Then if we are awareness who is the 'me'? Close scrutiny will eventually show that there is a body/mind that produces perceptions that are witnessed by awareness and no 'me'. The idea of a me only clouds and confuses the issue. When we believe in the me life seems complicated. With self realization it becomes perfectly clear and simple. I am awareness percieving through this human.

Stillness.

2006-04-19T05:10:00.000-07:00

Laying in bed at night, awake, alert, in the dark with eyes closed with no sound, no smells, and most of the bodily sensations absent what's left is the I AM. The I am'ness is sometimes called presence awareness. Any quiet time even in the day this I am'ness can still be noticed.

Freedom from the individual.

2006-04-13T01:54:00.000-07:00

Enlightenment isn't freedom for the individual, it's freedom from the individual - from the conditioned belief in an individual entity.

Wrong identification.

2006-04-05T05:37:00.000-07:00

From a 'me' perspective there appears to be a problem, something needs to be fixed - seeking ensues and the mind tells us that enlightenment will be the solution - one day. In fact the me is an illusion and doesn't actually exist. It's a conditioned belief that takes many years to develop. When the me is seen to be non-existent then there remains the I AM which cannot be denied but also can't be found because it's a no-thing, it's pure subjective awareness and in that awareness thought's, feelings and the world appear & disappear. From a 'me' perspective a solution will never be found for several reasons. First, the me being an illusion is a false basis to look for anything. Second, the me doesn't actually exist so how can it even look for something. Third, there isn't actually a problem in the first place - it only appears that way from a limited me point of view. Fourth, seeking implies the future and time and anything that appears & disappears is impermanent. Fifth, it's the omnipresent awareness that is witnessing all, so how can it witness itself. No. The only problem is that awareness has become identified with the content of mind, the me, instead of remaining as it truely is. All that needs to happen is for the awareness to once more understand what it is and end the wrong identification. Problem solved.

Perfection.

2006-03-30T04:26:00.000-08:00

Culture and the new age movement has spawned the idea that perfection is something we work towards. But you are perfect right now - you are perfectly you and I am perfectly me. I am exactly the way I should be - warts & all (as they say). Perfection usually conjures up, at least unconsciously, some model of what we should aspire to. In the new age movement it may well be enlightenment - perhaps a balance of the body/mind energies. BUT, the model of perfection is a future goal and a future goal is in time and therefore is in mind and as such will never achieve enlightenment. Perfection is acknowledging that you are exactly what you are supposed to be right here, right now and not to compare yourself with somebody else. How can you compare two unique individuals - one is no better than the other, they are just different. You can't say that you are better than me or I am better than you although you can say that you are better at golf than me. The body/mind organism is functioning exactly as it is programmed to function - exactly as nature intended. That's my definition of perfection.

Don't delay.

2006-03-30T03:41:00.000-08:00

Wishing or enlightenment actually delays it. Expecting anything to happen in the future means you're in time and mind and mind can never know the nothing that contains mind. Mind is just another object appearing in space-like awareness. So mind cannot understand the awareness that it appears in - in the same way that my car cannot understand the factory and people who work in the factory who built the car. The trick is not to wait for enlightenment somewhere in the future but to recognise your true nature here and now, this very moment. As advaita points out anything that will appear in the future will one day also disappear and if it's not here now then it has no independent reality - is not real. And the one thing that is real and cannot be argued against is your own existence.

The search is for the self, and the self is the awareness that everything appears in, but the self already is. It already is what it is, there is no need to search for it - you already are what you are - I AM. Searching for it doesn't make sense - except to the mind. The search for the understanding of what it is however, may be what the search is for.

Identity and disidentity.

2006-03-30T03:18:00.000-08:00

At an early age (of the human) awareness becomes fascinated by the content of awareness - the world. Increasingly involvement with contents takes place and in the end identification occurs. At some stage there is an intuitive knowing that things are not quite right. In some cases spontaneous enlightenment occurs while in others there is a long period of seeking where the seeker goes looking for his true nature. But - for awareness to look for itself there has to be two, one looking for the other, as awareness is non-dual the difficulty is that awareness is trying to identify with something other than itself but this never satisfies it because it won't find its true self as something other than itself. There comes a point where it has to stop looking and simply acknowledge that it already is. And then it has found what was never lost.
Roy.

Paradigm shift.

2006-03-27T04:04:00.000-08:00

Is enlightnment an event or not? Some say yes and some no. For me there was a time, and for many years I might add, when I suffered as a seeker and although later on I could see that I am awareness and generally understood much of what Advaita said I also knew the point of no return hadn't occured. Then the day came when it intuitively hit me and was most obvious that I AM is awareness. From there on the whole paradigm shifted and for me that was the moment of enlightenment and in this description I would call it an event. Before then I thought of myself, as most people do, as a person who was aware. After then, and now, I see myself as pure subjective awareness in which everything - thought's, memories, feelings, this body and the world appear. The one thing that doesn't show up is the 'me'. There is no me and never was. That was the fiction - the ghost in the machine. That is the marker for enlightnment or self realization. The whole landscape changes even though the appearances are the same the chopping wood and carting water thing.

Simplicity & clarity.

2006-03-26T16:04:00.000-08:00

As long as you live from the perspective of 'me' then you will perceive yourself as living in the world and will be seemingly subject to the laws of duality - of cause and effect. With enlightenment you no longer perceive yourself as living in the world but you understand that the world exists in you. While you perceive from the 'me' and through the mind then questions, doubts, argument, philosophy will prevail along with complexity and confusion and the search for meaning. After enlightnment you no longer perceive yourself through the mind but see that the mind exist in you. As such the mind is still a tool to be used but it is not your identity, who you are. From this new perspective questions and doubts about the nature of reality dissolve and there is immense simplicity and clarity. Education and knowledge give the belief that you know something and blinds you to your true nature.

Separation.

2006-03-09T03:47:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I go to bed and try to tune out my active mind so I can sleep. I focus as awareness so to not get involved in thoughts but not only does it not help but often has the reverse effect. Then it occured to me what I was doing.

If, as awareness, I try to separate myself from the objects that appear in awareness in order to isolate and either know who I am or to keep from becoming involved in content then I'm practicing separation. But it's the concept of separation where the problem started in the first place. By practicing separation the mind was performing a basic mind task - separate, categorise and pigeonhole for further reference. Energy was going into the mind and I was kept awake.

I think it was Sri Ramana Marharshi who said 'all there is is awareness and everything that appears in awareness is awareness also'. The concept of awareness is where the problem started at a very young age. Then the solution is the understanding of non-duality which means to understand that you are awareness and not a separate object that appears, to pursue the question 'who am I' until you fully understand that you are always the awareness behind each and every object/thought/memory that appears. And ultimately to understand that everything that appears in awareness is awareness too, is you too. The whole storey, Lila, the play of consiousness is you, everything, non-duality.

No chooser, no choice.

2006-03-02T04:31:00.000-08:00

We appear to make choices every day but, self realization reveals there is no one here - just impersonal awareness with objects and experiences appearing in it. The experience of human-ness goes on but there is no-one to experience it - just the experience. Experience without an experiencer. If there's no experiencer - no 'me' then who makes the choices. Choices are made by the unique individual programming - the needs and reactions of the human. The human needs food for maintenance and energy. The body creates an experience of hunger and it, through it's programming, seeks food to allay the discomfort. It's automatic. It doesn't require a third party to decide. I was a seeker - it wasn't my choice. It's part of the programming - it was destined. This body/mind organism was programmed to be a seeker and it set out to allay the suffering. When self realization happened the seeking stopped and the suffering ended. There is now no, or ever was, a separate individual entity called 'me' guiding this human. The programming is self determining.

Stop seeking.

2006-02-26T00:15:00.000-08:00

The seeker has already gone too far. It's too much to say stop seeking because then it's two steps too far - first seeking and then to stop seeking. Instead, when we identify ourselves as a seeker stop! Rewind and simply be the I AM, not I am a seeker but the I AM - dwell in that, dwell as that I AM as that I am'ness - that is who we are.

Thinking.

2006-02-23T04:09:00.000-08:00

Do we really think? Certainly thinking happens but are we creating those thoughts or are thoughts simply appearing in awarenes. For most people the cultural belief is that they are thinking and that we have been taught to think, and so it goes unexamined. When we meditate or closely observe the activities of the mind it becomes seen that there is, what seems like, a constant stream of thoughts. Scientists say something like sixty thousand thought a day are the norm - seemingly without a break. They just keep coming even when we want some relief from them. Occasionally it can be seen that when the mind goes blank that we can't actually generate a thought either. We just need to wait for the next one to arrive - which it does. If we were in control of our thoughts why would we ever have an unpleasant or depressing one. If we are responsible for having thoughts then on what basis do we choose them? How do we decide what we want to think about next. We can't think about it because that in itself would be a thought and how would we decide to think about having a thought? No. Thoughts appear, as can be observed. We are aware of them and we make sence of them.

Self realization.

2006-02-23T03:53:00.000-08:00

Self realization. Seekers will often spend twenty or so years seeking this apparently elusive phenomena and yet it's right here and what we are all the time. In the last few months before realization it occured to me that it was a strange thing indeed to seek the self, since I am the self but something remained incomplete. So what is it I was seeking. It turns out that there's nothing to seek and nothing to find but the seeking causes the final realization that I am pure awareness. Along with this understanding is the turn around of understanding the world - that is we are taught that we exist in the world but later we find that actually the world appears in us. This completely reversed understanding, the realization of our true nature and seeing that there is no 'me' brings about final peace.

Our conceptual lives.

2006-02-12T05:01:00.000-08:00

The wheelbarrow is more than the sum of the parts. My wheelbarrow is made up of a metal tray, two wooden handles and a rubber wheel. Put together in a certain way it becomes a wheelbarrow which allows me to move things around the garden. The same wood, metal and rubber put together in a different way would be something else entirely. So where did the wheel barrow come from? My car is actually only a concept - even though I drive it. It's a concept because the metal, rubber, plastic and glass is put together in a certain way. Assembled differently it might be two motorbikes, part of a plane or a piece of modern art. It's a car because it fits into fairly loose parameters - it has wheels, it's self propelled and driven and carries people and luggage. I was walking through a car park when it struck me how varied the automobile is. Makes, models, colours, styles and personal additions means there is often only one just like that in the entire park. They are all different but all have a common theme. That theme is easily recognised by a human once taught it, often at a young age. It's the concept that's learnt and mostly not the individual vehicles - that may come later. Toyota may bring out an entirely new model never seen before but immediately we recognise it as a car simply because we know the concept of a car in the first place. A kangaroo wouldn't know it as a car - just an object crossing it's path. Everything in our lives is understood conceptually. A tree. If ten people were asked to draw a tree they would all draw a different one - ignoring their individual artistic skills. Language is conceptual. Words and sounds are pointers to something. That's often why so many arguments happen. We have different understandings or emotions attatched to the concepts. A little girl's parents grow roses, it's a happy home, she's given roses to smell and happy memories follow. A second little girl has an unhappy family, she falls into a rose patch, get scratched and get told off for it. They grow up. Their boyfriends come to visit and each give a bunch of roses. One experiences it as a loving gesture, the other is offended and slams the door. Same flowers, different experience/association attached to the concept.

It was an important stage, for me, to understand the conceptual nature of language. It shocked me at first. I'd confused the word with the thing. I thought the truth was the truth, instead it's a sound which reprisents a word that points to a concept but is not the thing.

Life as an abstraction.

2006-02-12T04:19:00.000-08:00

Our lives are lived fully but it's in the nature of the mind to only remember the major points. If we had all of our past available all of the time we most probably wouldn't be able to function. So memory records it all but only the major parts tend to be available. A typical day is remembered in the short and medium term for us to refer back to but as the days go on the ordinary things become less and less important and is more or less forgotten. After a week or so we don't need to know what we had for lunch on any particular day - unless it happens to be important for some particular reason. Over the months more and more of the ordinary things are forgotten and only the more important go into long term memory. What I did at ten a.m. last Tuesday isn't sigificant to me - although it may have been at the time. What I did the first week of last month has already been relegated to the unimportant and forgotten. The important items like I booked an international flight is preserved in short, medium and long term memory - it's useful, I need to keep refering back to it. The process of sorting through and only saving the salient parts is automatic. The reduction of a lifetime of activities is an abstraction. So we abstract out a long line of memories to becomes an abstraction of an abstraction of an abstraction. When we look back over our lives we see only the abstracted parts and that forms what we call our history - our life. Government statistics are a good example of abstractions. The major points of interest of our lives, to the government are what they need to run the country. Births, deaths, road fatalities, revenue/taxes and expenses - to mention a few. Our entire lives become a few numbers in a computer. We are abstracted down to a few points and that's it. But in our own minds we regard our history as an accurate record. When it's seen that this history is only a very thin slice of what actually happened, and a biased one at that, then it's significance is little more than a dream especially after self realization and it's known there isn't and never was an individual entity occupying the body - in control of things.

Who am I.

2006-02-12T04:10:00.000-08:00

Who am I. Not who I take myself to be, or who I believe or assume myself to be. But who am I - really. Am I this body? If so then how much of me would be deleted if say a leg was surgically removed. That would be about one fifth of my body mass. Does that mean that I would only be four fifths of a person, or that every fifth word I spoke would be missing or I would have only four fifths of the original memory, earn eighty percent of my wages?

Am I my name? Then who would I be if I changed my name? Would I be a different person then with different memories.

Am I my profession and then I changed my job. Who would I be, a different person?

Am I my memories? Then who is it that's remembering them and am I a different person as my memories change over the years?

Who, or what is at the centre and where is that centre? Obviously changing any of the above wouldn't change the me I know myself as. So what is the self? The mind will find many answers to that question but none will finally satisfy. Actually the mind will never find the true self because it's completely out of it's terms of reference. It needs a complete paradigm shift to understand it. The mind will never find the answer simply because the mind is just another appearance in awareness - another object and not the subject. It's like my Toyota car understanding the factory and staff that built it. The created is not capable of knowing the creator. The mind is not capable of knowing the awareness it appears in. The mind is the wrong tool for the job. So, for a moment, stop the mind and just be, and then notice that you are still in existence - you still are. Then it's seen that the true you is not at all defined by the mind.

'BE STILL and know that I AM"

Reality - nonreality.

2006-02-09T01:01:00.000-08:00

What we call reality isn't in actual fact real. When we talk about reality most people would be referring to physicality - something solid. But science and Advaita show that not to be the case. Any scientist will quickly confirm that apparently solid things have no solidity to them. When looked at closely they are seen to be made of molecules of atoms. Then the atoms that in times gone by were thought to be the base building blocks of the universe. Now they are known to be made up of sub-atomic particles. Even these are now known to be only packets of energy spinning around each other with spaces comparable to the space between the stars. The packets of energy sometimes function like particles and sometimes like waves, they can't be pinned down. Advaita has a simple tenet that says anything that appears and disappears is dependant on something else and therefore has no independant existence. In which case it's considered not real. A movie needs a screen. If there is no screen the movie is not formed. There may be lights shining into the night but the movie needs a screen to reflect the lights - to make it a movie. It must appear to, in or on something. An example would be the ocean, as a backdrop - it's (relatively) substantial. A wave, however, is only an appearance in or on it. It's just a pattern of energy that we call a wave. It's a concept we understand so we can communicate with one another and words are generated depending on our environment. Like the Eskimos who are reputed to have up to fourty words to describe snow. The wave is a pattern of energy and appears to exist. As a concept only though does it exist. The wave doesn't actually exist as a separate something that can be separated from the ocean. If you get a bucket and scoop out a wave and take it to someone telling them you have a wave in it it would sound non-sensicle. What you have in fact would be a bucket of water from the ocean and not a wave. The wave is the concept. The wave is what appears and then disappears and only water is left. So anything that appears and disappears has no independence and is therefore not real. The seeker, although often doesn't know it, is looking for something real, final, something that doesn't appear and disappear, the basis of everything, the back drop, the final word. What we're looking for is that which never appeared and will never disappear. Now, any object is, by it's very nature, limited and therefore can not be everywhere - unless it's everything. The search through the question 'who am I' reveals the fact that no matter what we find, either an object or concept to identify as 'me', is always looked at/seen by the viewer. We can never see the viewer. We can never get behind the viewer. That's the direction the seeker has to look in. Who or what am I - the viewer. It's no good thinking about it because that which thinks is only an object, an appearance itself. That which sees everything seemingly coming and going turns out to be awareness. Well that's the closest word I can find do describe it. So back behind all the layers of belief of who I have taken myself to be there is the I AM - pure awareness. It's actually a no-thing, obviously, or it would be an object and limited and could be observed by the viewer. Being a no-thing is the ultimate let-go by no-one. Awareness is the back drop and is independent and totally unaffected by anything that appears in it, like the movie screen. When awareness becomes aware of itself it's called self-realization then awareness ceases to identify exclusively with the objects and becomes aware of itself as the true source. Hence the term self-awareness. This is the point where awareness ceases to identify with the 'me' that has always taken centre stage. With this change of focus the suffering of the seeker stops. The 'I AM' that I am is found and the 'me' that I have always thought myself to be is seen to be non-existant, a mere appearance. No more seeking takes place and there is peace.

Annoyance with our partner.

2006-02-08T05:13:00.000-08:00

Isn't it interesting that people hurt and get hurt by the person closest to them - the one person they would most not want to hurt. The problem starts with duality - the fact of the opposites that cause everything to exist. Anything only exists because it stands out against something else - contrast. Good/bad, up/down, right/wrong etc. You get the idea. It's the mind that splits our world into opposites. Now that's not a bad thing but the next step is where it seemingly goes wrong. The same mind that creates the split then chooses one half and rejects the other. Good/bad - I'm good you're bad. I'm healthy you're unhealthy. I'm cautious with money you're. a spendthrift. Of course these are only relative terms. The opposites can be equally true and is probably true for your partner. I'm bad (isn't that a cool attitude these days?). I live a full-on life while you're too scared to try anything new. I enjoy my money (after all you only live once) you're too tight to spend yours. Now it starts to get interesting. By choosing half and rejecting the other half we're left with a feeling that something is missing - not quite right. The terms conscious and unconscious minds where conscious represents what we accept about ourselves and the unconscious where we hide all the things about ourselves that don't fit into our preferred (if false) view of ourselves. So here we are with the feeling something is missing. So we go out in search of the lost part. Some try speed, some money, some drugs and perhaps the most common - relationships. Most meetings just don't feel right but have you noticed that when you meet that 'special' person and you fall in love that there's a feeling of completeness - of wholeness? Well it's simply because that 'special' person has also fallen victim to their mind splitting their world into opposites, and they have chosen the other halves to you. So in fact you have met your other half - literally. The feelings of completeness is from the two opposites that have come together. Together you do feel complete. It feels right. The relationship is intuitively felt to be right and complete. Now comes the big BUT. The problems start a short while after you let your guard down, when the relationship becomes a primary one, because the opposites come into play and the judgements you made about yourself are the things that your partner represents and what drew you to them in the first place. It's only a matter of time before you become irritated by the features in them because they are the very things rejected in yourself. To simplify it lets take good/bad. I consider myself 'good' and reject the idea of 'bad' in me. It's the way this particular personality is set up. My partner finds it exciting to be 'bad' and find 'good' to be too boring. So we both felt incomplete in ourselves but felt complete when together but then I become irritated by her 'bad' because I've prejudged and rejected 'bad' and she gets irritated and bored by my 'good' because she prejudged that. The solution, of course, is to look at what we have each prejudged in ourselves and see that there's no real reason to reject it in the first place and then reclaim it. In that way we start to feel complete in ourselves. Then we're not two lonely and miserable people trying to get the other to make us happy.
Devgrah.

Why do we do what we do.

2006-01-19T15:59:00.000-08:00

We (that is the uniquely programmed human) act the way we do because we're uniquely programmed to respond just that way. We couldn't do anything else - just like a computer is programmed and must function according to that programming. It can't decide to act contrary to it (even though sometimes they appear to). The computer programme sets the parameters of how it will work. Humans are not computers but they do have genetic programming fixed at conception that dictate the parameters. We have cultural identities and individual experiences that go together to make up the unique programming and we must function accordingly. Non-duality points to our true nature. Not only Advaita/non-duality but the past head of Siddha yoga, Muktananda, stated "thou art that" and Sri Nisargadatta Marharaj has a well known book entitled I AM THAT. Where 'that' is the inexpressible awareness of what we are. We can talk about it but not of it and we can conceptualise it but the concept is not the real. Our culture teaches us that we are in control/in charge of our lives and decisions. The me that is supposedly in control is an identitification by awareness with the programming. And, as a result there is this belief in us as an individual with volition. Close observation and exploration (imploration might be a better word) shows that there is awareness first & foremost and that everything including the human animal and it's programming is an appearance in it. That is, we don't exist in the body - the body exists in us. 'Sailor' Bob Adamson points out again & again very effectively that the ego claims doership after the fact. The programming is responsible for the way we act and react to situations. Ramesh Balsekar also tells us that we are not in control of the thoughts that appear & disappear. If we were why would we ever have an unpleasant or depressing thought. Wouldn't we always have happy thoughts? If we were really in control of our thoughts wouldn't we turn them off in the night when we want to sleep - those nights when the damn mind just won't quit - when all we want is to go back to sleep? The fact that the ego claims responsibility blinds us to the reality that we are not in control, that thoughts simply arise when they arise and they don't arise when they don't arise. It's only after the fact that the ego says 'I did that'. Advaita points out that we don't do the things we think we do, although things do get done. It's finally seen, by no-one, that what we truly are is pure subjective awareness and not an object, objects appear in us. In this awareness a body/mind organism, thoughts, feeling, memories and the world appear. Then it is also seen that there is no 'me' in this body driving it and that choices are made but there is no choice maker. As the Buddha is reported to have said (in one of Rameshes books) something like "choices are made, deeds are done but there is no doer thereof". It clearly states that there is no separate individual entity in control of the human animal. Decisions are made simple based on the programming and influenced by thoughts that arise. We may be sitting silently doing nothing and a thought pops up to have a beer, so we get a beer, unless a contrary thought tells us to do something else. A thought may pop up to make a million dollars or to climb a mountain but if it's not in the programming then it won't be acted on.

With clarity & simplicity.

2006-01-16T04:02:00.000-08:00

Mmmm!
After enlightenment, or self realization life goes on as before unchanged and completely changed. When it's clearly seen that what is, is awareness and that everything appears in that awareness the view becomes one of total simplicity. It's also totally obvious that the awarenes is what 'I AM' and you are. There has to be awareness first & foremost (not that there's any order to it) or nothing could be known. Without awareness there's nothing. What is unchanged is the 'body/mind' programming. That goes on unchanged - it continues until it's supposed to change, or end. What changes is the view. Before, we think we have to do something - to make it all work. Afterwards, we see that awarenes is and that we have no control over what thought pops up - or not. It just all happens. We think we are doing it, because and only because, we (as awareness) are identified with this body/mind. We think this is what we are. So, for example, when the body feels hunger and that hunger triggers a movement to get food - as it's designed to. The mind works out how to get the food that's needed. It's after the fact that we (what's referred to as the ego) claim that we decided to get the food. But you see it was not us who decided to be hungry in the first place. My outward life hasn't changed, because what this body/mind is doing is exactly what it's programmed to do. I can't change my genetics or the influences of the country or time I was born into. That is the main programming that this body follows. There are some constant small changes that go on happening but by & large it's pretty well fixed at conception. There's nothing wrong with that. The imagined problem is when we (awareness) become identified with this body that we start to think it should be some other way. If I was truly in charge of my life I would have an I.Q. of 140, would be a multi-millionaire, would always look about 35 years old with a fittness of a 25 year old, would have a light sun tan, a full head of hair and a perfect set of white teeth, would be ably to speak many languages, play any musical instrument, have a beautiful singing voice and a magnetic personality. BUT, not one of these things is true. In light of the facts how can I possibly claim to be in control.

Appearances come and go and are not at all under 'my' control. That is a concept we're fed with from an early age - you're responsible for how your life pans out, we're lead to believe. The idea that I'm not in control was a hard idea for me to accept when I first read Ramesh Balsekars book 'Consciousness Speaks'. I knew he was telling the truth - or should I say I knew it was a valuable pointer he was giving me. First 'I AM'. And I am awareness and that doesn't change but we do gradually become identified with concepts of who we're told we are from an early age. That's where it all begins to go wrong.

When self realization takes place (and that's not in your hands either) it all becomes incredibly simple and clear. Then there are reminders from time to time (as it were) of just simply watching the appearances come & go. And marvelling at the differing patterns of energy that appear. This understanding brings clarity & simplicity and a beauty beyond measure.

Hello world.

2006-01-11T19:45:00.000-08:00

As I may have said before my life mainly stood for the seeking that seemed to go right through from childhood. I had a pretty standard way of viewing life ie that I am an individual person living in the world, that as a person I could think and was in control of my life, at least to some degree and legally I am held responsible. If something went wrong it most probably was my fault. Once I came into contact with non-duality (which isn't a religion or even a set of beliefs) things started to change. All the years of seeking and understanding how the mind works and what was right or wrong with relationships went out the window. It seemed important at the time but once it was clearly seen that what I am is pure awareness (keep asking the question "who am I" really) and that everything else appears in that awareness. Then it is also clearly seen that there is no one here doing the seeking and no individual. So it means that there is no one to be an individual with choices or to make mistakes. The 'me' was an illusion - just a lifetime of being conditioned to put together memories seen from a human animal point of view. The mind created an apparent individual. When this is seen then the seeking ends and peace follows.

I'm thankful to all the 'people' who stood up to be counted, either talking, puting out books, CD's etc. and the trouble it takes to have a web site.

Devgrah.

Good evening world.

2006-01-11T05:12:00.000-08:00

I've been wondering what it is about doing this blog that I find so intersting. I realized the other day that it's not constrained. When I write or type to a friend, it's always within certain criteria, depending on the relationship I have with the particular person. With this though it's totally free and open ended so I can simply express any thing. It's so free - like this for example - it's just an expression of something that needs to be said.
Think I'm going to bed now though.
Good night world.
Devgrah.

Adding a picture

2006-01-06T22:58:00.000-08:00

Good evening once again all,

I was unable to work out how to add a profile picture to the top of my blog so have settled with this so far. I'll try again later.

Incidentally it was taken a few months ago while holidaying in Tasmania - a really lovely place to visit.

The name Devgrah

2006-01-04T23:15:00.000-08:00

In my search for some degree of understanding of what makes people tick - me in particular and later the search for enlightenment I was introduced to the teachings of Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh in 1980. He spoke to me (via an audio tape) in a way no-one else ever had. I was fascinated by who this man was and what he knew that I didn't. I read and listened to his words extensively as well as anyone else who I thought might help me in my quest.

Some years later I went to see Bhagwan in Oregon USA to become a sanyassin (spiritual seeker). The name he gave me was Swami (monk) Prem (love) Devgrah (Temple). I never really used the name publicly which showed just how identified I was with 'my' birth name.
Devgrah.

Starting a Blog

2006-01-04T05:45:00.000-08:00

I have been keeping a journal since 1969 when some friends and I decided to migrate here from England. The need to travel and expand was the driving force and since the Australian government was offering two years in the sun for ten pounds I thought who am I to refuse an offer like that. I guess it was all a symptom of a restlessness that had started early and was to dominate most of my life. I'm sure I am not the only one to have had that feeling. From an early age I felt something was wrong, or missing. Everyone else seemed ok so I figured it was me with the problem. I've come to realize that the same feelings were common in others too. I wasn't alone - although it seemed that way at the time.

Years went on and the feelings didn't go away. I changed jobs to a mental health nurse in an attempt to understand what made people tick - me in particular. It helped - but not a whole lot. It did, however, lead me to a colleague who had recently attended a 'new age group'. Was that what I was looking for. Apparently it was for I was like a ripe fruit. The experience was amazing and amongst other things showed me that I was a spirtual seeker. A new identity perhaps and a new way of looking at life but it focused my search for what was amiss. Years went by and all the usual new age techniques were tried (many books have outlined them). Life seemed to getting better but that same old feeling somehow just lurked in the background and wouldn't go away.

A long rest from all the accumulated knowledge I'd gained was needed, for clearly more knowledge wasn't the answer. I was introduced to Advaita, or non-duality as it's also called. Ramesh Balsekar, Isaac Shapiro and Bob Adamson in particular helped with the new understanding. Many books later and while reading the web site of John Wheeler it hit me - the sudden and direct intuitive realization of my true nature. The world seemed to light up. This is what I've been looking for - my self! Wow! This is what I've been looking for all these years and missing it by looking beyond it. There hadn't actually been anything wrong - just a wrong identification. For those who know who, or what they are you can identify with these words, I'm sure. Before that moment I was in confusion. Everything I read seemed to be telling me something but I just couldn't put my finger on what it was they were saying. We're so conditioned.

I could go on endlessly talking about my experience but that would be misleading for it would give the impression there is someone here who had the experience. As Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh said when asked if he was enlightened (something like) "if I say no I'll be telling a lie, and if I say yes I'll be misleading you". Advaita is a wonderful set of pointers. It's not for everyone. There are no promises for the ego. But for those close to knowing 'the truth'. It's a pretty hardcore and direct pointing and you have to have a determination, or desperation, to pursue it.

From about two years of age when we first develop the concept of separation, the false identity starts. It's exactly how it is supposed to be so there's nothing actually wrong as such. But the more identity that gets added onto it the more false and separate we feel and more knowledge, money of aquisitions can't help. We need to go back through and understand how it all happened in the first place. We have to find someone who we trust and at a certain point, and for some people the illusion of separation collapses. It's then clearly seen that there never was a 'me' in control. The false 'me' claimed control. What a paradox - the definition of enlightenment being 'the realization that there is no-one to become enlightened'. From then on the seeking stops and peace prevails. A wonderful clarity exists where confusion and frustration had been. Otherwise things go on pretty much as before. The body/mind organism, as Ramesh calls it, carries on with it's same programming.